Key(hole) To the Kingdom

Q: I just bought a really nice shirt with a keyhole neckline. The keyhole is pretty modest, so is it appropriate to wear to my office?

A: "No cleavage, no problem" is my general rule of thumb for judging whether a shirt is office-appropriate. Excluded from this truism are the corporate offices of naughty magazines that might approve of revealing keyholes (see photo), and also Dutch Door shirts for that matter (have those been invented yet?).

You raise an interesting point about the power of suggestion. For example, a solid door with a keyhole in the doorknob does not inspire a peek, whereas a keyhole cut into the door itself begs for an eyeballing. So even if you are wearing a convent-approved keyhole shirt, be aware that certain individuals with active imaginations and repressed upbringings are most assuredly obsessing about the window of opportunity behind Door Number One.

XO,
Ms.Chief

Speed(o) Demons: The Low Down

While on vacation in Kauai last month, I ate seared Ahi and fresh mangoes, snorkeled daily and gave serious consideration to what kind of guy should (and should not) wear small underwear-like bikini swimsuits, known as Speedos.

I'd always believed that only well-muscled athletes should wear tiny trunks. A European tourist completely redefined my criteria for Speedo success. Every day, this guy (pictured) lumbered into the surf in a small blue suit, orange water wings and goggles. Somehow, he managed to look fabulous.

I returned to the mainland convinced that there is room in the proverbial Speedo for all ages and shapes of men, as long as their skin is:

A) Smooth. Hirsute fellows just make a Speedo look defeated. The poor tiny suit can't possibly be expected to gracefully restrain all that lower back fur.

B) Taut. Sure, a nice tight musculature is ideal, but fat is fine, as long as it's contained tightly within (preferably tan) skin. Saggy or jiggly need not apply.

Of course the fit of the suit is crucial. Too loose or too tight carry the same risk of eye-burning spillage. But really, it all comes down to skin.

There it is. The skinny on Speedos. I never want to discuss this again.

XO,
Ms.Chief