How big can a bow tie be, before it is ungodly enormous?First of all, thanks to Joe S. of Portland, OR (pictured center) for this timely tax day question:
If any of the following are true, your bow tie needs to see a surgeon immediately:
- If you bow tie could fly, it could easily carry the weight of your head
- A fruit bat appears to be eating your Adam's Apple
- Your bow tie dwarfs Elvis' sunglasses during his bloated, pre-death white jumpsuit days
- W (width) > 1/20 x YH (your height) in SF (stocking feet)
Signs of a successful bow tie:
- It should be slightly thicker than John Waters' mustache, but not much
- It is either a solid color or has an abstract pattern (no rocking horses or paisleys, thank you)
- It is wider than your mouth when closed and unsmiling, but not as wide as your forehead
- You don't wear it every day unless it is part of a uniform (blackjack dealer, bartender, jockey, doorman, Chippendale dancer, etc.)
- If it is not part of a uniform and you are not a humanities professor or an Oregon senator, you only wear it willingly with a tuxedo
Ms.Chief
P.S. Nice shiny hair, Joe! Either you had a good Mediterranean diet rich in olive oil, or you indulged in 1970s shampoo rich in petrochemicals.
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