Attired Animals

Why do people put clothes on animals? I think it’s weird.

Dear Animal Naturalist,

Just the other day I saw a pug in a pink sleeveless hoodie. I didn’t know what to think. It was cute yet wrong, much like the pug itself. Did you know that pugs have their very own type of encephalitis which causes them to have seizures? That’s the result of too much inbreeding. Maybe those dogs should wear a hoodie for their own good. Anyway, I digress.

Kids put clothes on everything remotely alive. When I was a kid, I would dress up fruits and vegetables. Don’t ask me why - I have no idea. Grownups who dress up animals are a different matter. Perhaps they don’t have children and wish they did. Perhaps they do have children and wish the children were animals because animals don’t pick their own clothes and you can keep them on a leash throughout their lives. It is also possible that some of the grownups who do this are secretly wannabe cross dressers and they are taking it out on their pets.

I once knew a woman who had a pet goose as a child. They would put the goose in a diaper and it would sit on the couch and watch TV. I’m not kidding. It’s not a suburban myth. But at least the reason the goose was wearing a diaper was so it wouldn’t crap on the couch. I have no idea why the goose was in the house and why it watched TV.

So it is weird that people dress up animals, but they have all different reasons.

Now back to inbreeding: What I want to know is why people think inbreeding animals for the purity of the breed is acceptable, but you aren’t supposed to have children with your siblings? That seems like a double standard.

XO,
Adj.