Birds, Bees & Buckskin

Dear Ms.Chief,
My awesome boyfriend bought us these buckskin outfits that we will always wear whenever we are together always. Forever, I mean. The problem is, I feel kind of torn up about it, because I am a political vegetarian since it's majorly wrong to take away an animal's skin and leave them standing there naked in the wild, all without skin and fur, because that's embarrassing for them in front of the other animals. My boyfriend says it's no big deal and I need to chill about it, because he got the buckskin outfits at Goodwill (we got the fleas out with clove cigarettes), and since they are second hand, that means the animals don't blame us personally for taking their skin. Is that true?
Peace out.

Dear Buckskin Betty,
I checked with my guru and mentor, Paul the Egg-laying Man Chicken, and he says that as long as you never think too hard about what happens when you take away an animal's skin, everything's going to be just fine.
XO,
Ms.Chief

Seersucker Scenarios

Should I buy a seersucker suit? If yes, where can I find a great one? If no, where can I find a decent one? Oh, and what shoes should you wear with it?


Your battery of questions raise one (1) very crucial question:
Why do you think you might need a seersucker suit? Are you going to the Kentucky Derby? Are you attending an outdoor summer wedding in the Hamptons?

Assuming you really, truly need a seersucker suit, here are some answers:

1. Check vintage stores for a stylish, period seersucker suit. You might even be so lucky as to find a straw hat (always check for fleas if you buy a used hat).
2. Don’t buy a cheap suit or you will look like you are sporting a glorified paper towel.
3. Traditionally, you wear a light-colored, buckskin lace-up with red-rubber soles or a similar-colored saddle shoe with a seersucker suit. However, saddle shoes are seriously dorky, so I suggest you consider red tranny patent leather platforms just for fun. At worst, you’ll sprain an ankle. At best, you’ll be forced to stay home because you can’t walk.

XO,
Adj.