Key(hole) To the Kingdom

Q: I just bought a really nice shirt with a keyhole neckline. The keyhole is pretty modest, so is it appropriate to wear to my office?

A: "No cleavage, no problem" is my general rule of thumb for judging whether a shirt is office-appropriate. Excluded from this truism are the corporate offices of naughty magazines that might approve of revealing keyholes (see photo), and also Dutch Door shirts for that matter (have those been invented yet?).

You raise an interesting point about the power of suggestion. For example, a solid door with a keyhole in the doorknob does not inspire a peek, whereas a keyhole cut into the door itself begs for an eyeballing. So even if you are wearing a convent-approved keyhole shirt, be aware that certain individuals with active imaginations and repressed upbringings are most assuredly obsessing about the window of opportunity behind Door Number One.

XO,
Ms.Chief

Sleeve Peeve

Q: What are 3/4 length sleeves good for? Cold wrists? Lending the look of Frankenstein to an otherwise proportional person? But mostly, I want to know when will they go away?

A: No one is forcing you to wear 3/4 length sleeves. Most stores carry shirts in both full length and 3/4 length sleeves, so hop down off your cross and go to Target already.

I, for one, hope that 3/4 length sleeves remain available for the following reasons:

1. They are an excellent vehicle for showcasing my fascinating collection of bracelets
2. As a sloppy eater, I tend to dredge my soup with my cuffs
3. They are less tempting to use as surreptitious nose-wiping devices than full length sleeves

On the other hand, 3/4 sleeves are simply terrible for:

1. Cold, drafty environments
   
2. Very tall people who have trouble finding long enough clothing and just want a shirt with full length sleeves already
3. Individuals with appalling wrists (scabby rashes, bony outgrowths, poorly reasoned tattoos)
4. People who lack fascinating collections of bracelets

XO,
Ms.Chief

P.S. My friend Tim May has a shirt with accidental 3/4 length sleeves. It's a button down made for a full grown man with sleeves just maybe long enough for a seven year old boy. He calls it his alligator shirt (not as in Izod) because it is perfectly proportioned for an alligator.