Sleeve Peeve

Q: What are 3/4 length sleeves good for? Cold wrists? Lending the look of Frankenstein to an otherwise proportional person? But mostly, I want to know when will they go away?

A: No one is forcing you to wear 3/4 length sleeves. Most stores carry shirts in both full length and 3/4 length sleeves, so hop down off your cross and go to Target already.

I, for one, hope that 3/4 length sleeves remain available for the following reasons:

1. They are an excellent vehicle for showcasing my fascinating collection of bracelets
2. As a sloppy eater, I tend to dredge my soup with my cuffs
3. They are less tempting to use as surreptitious nose-wiping devices than full length sleeves

On the other hand, 3/4 sleeves are simply terrible for:

1. Cold, drafty environments
   
2. Very tall people who have trouble finding long enough clothing and just want a shirt with full length sleeves already
3. Individuals with appalling wrists (scabby rashes, bony outgrowths, poorly reasoned tattoos)
4. People who lack fascinating collections of bracelets

XO,
Ms.Chief

P.S. My friend Tim May has a shirt with accidental 3/4 length sleeves. It's a button down made for a full grown man with sleeves just maybe long enough for a seven year old boy. He calls it his alligator shirt (not as in Izod) because it is perfectly proportioned for an alligator.

Mustache + Egg = Huh?

Q: Do you support the statement, "Kissing a man without a mustache is like eating an egg without salt"? Please explain your answer.

A: If I were a U.S. Supreme Court Nominee in the midst of confirmation hearings, I would say that without further study of prior related cases and knowledge of state laws in which this incident occurred, I cannot answer the question.

However, no one has asked me if I'd like to be considered for the Supreme Court (their mistake). Here's your answer: This non sequitur was made in a specific cultural/historical context - apparently it was all the rage for men to have mustaches, and eggs were insignificant without salt. It would be like saying "Kissing a man without a pair of filthy clogs, a grey wool hat and a deltoid tattoo of the European recycling symbol is like eating tofu salad without organic capers." That would only really make sense in a few square miles of Portland, Oregon, USA, present day.

Personally, I like salt on egg dishes but I think mustaches are more frequently a mistake than a success (see prior post), so I do not support this statement. On the other hand, if Humpty Dumpty (pre-fall), had a mustache, was hard-boiled and I was very, very hungry, I might consider peeling him and making egg salad. With capers. And smoked paprika. And a lot of salt. Yum.

XO,
Ms.Chief