Bow tie bravado: how big is too big?

How big can a bow tie be, before it is ungodly enormous?

First of all, thanks to Joe S. of Portland, OR (pictured center) for this timely tax day question:

If any of the following are true, your bow tie needs to see a surgeon immediately:

If you bow tie could fly, it could easily carry the weight of your head

A fruit bat appears to be eating your Adam's Apple

Your bow tie dwarfs Elvis' sunglasses during his bloated, pre-death white jumpsuit days

W (width) > 1/20 x YH (your height) in SF (stocking feet)

Signs of a successful bow tie:

• It should be slightly thicker than John Waters' mustache, but not much
• It is either a solid color or has an abstract pattern (no rocking horses or paisleys, thank you)
• It is wider than your mouth when closed and unsmiling, but not as wide as your forehead
• You don't wear it every day unless it is part of a uniform (blackjack dealer, bartender, jockey, doorman, Chippendale dancer, etc.)
• If it is not part of a uniform and you are not a humanities professor or an Oregon senator, you only wear it willingly with a tuxedo

XO,
Ms.Chief

P.S. Nice shiny hair, Joe! Either you had a good Mediterranean diet rich in olive oil, or you indulged in 1970s shampoo rich in petrochemicals.